Monday, 28 November 2011

i took a trip down to londontown

oh don't you just love sparkly weekend trips away from all the boring things in life? 
i have decided i like london at christmas time very muchly.
me and the family set off on our travels early saturday morning and caught the 9.16 train that whisked us away to the land of black cabs, lights and glittery shops blaring festive music. our hotel was deliciously french, with all french staff with their gorgeous accents that made me feel like i was in an audrey tautou movie. 
the Da Vinci exhibition was fantastic and i recommend it to anybody wishing to be humbled. 
saturday night was spent in the tiny, cosy bar in the hotel which was like stepping back in time; full of old paintings and low ornate lamps on the walls, an actual fireplace and old, worn armchairs. we had ourselves a few merry little drinks.
sunday morning was a perfect walk across hyde park, where we came across a christmas fairground. the smell of candy floss and toffee apples hung thick in the air and there were so many cute little stalls selling sweet homemade gifts that i thought i could explode with happiness. 
next it was on to the V&A where we delighted in the exhibition called 'the power of making' which is FREE and definitely worth a visit.
after a wonderful pub lunch in convent garden the afternoon was spent wandering around the tiny shops and wishing there were more hours in the day. 
a coffee, and then a train journey home.
just a handful of snaps i managed to remember to take :)


Tuesday, 15 November 2011


tonight i ask the monsters of my dreams 
to call a truce,
and instead come with angelic faces,
and i will collapse with wonderfully heavy bones,
as they drag me from this ragged reality,
and revel in the exquisite pain of falling into sleep.
i can not fight tonight.
my sword lays cold and hard in my hands
and i do not even flinch when it crashes to the ground,
just merely watch its silent journey
as if it were falling through water.
my armour is not polished,
but tonight i ask the monsters of my dreams 
to not see this as weakness,
but instead take pity,
and tonight, use their strength to carry me.
carry me away,
far, far away,
to someplace where i can let sleep close over my head
like warm water on weary skin.
and i will rise the next day,
with my sword by my side,
ready to fight once again.

my one day of peace has refreshed and balanced me...
on the drive to my parents early monday morning, i felt so happy and free, the entire day was mine! it felt so good to just breathe the damp wintery air. 
once in my workshop i first gave my lovely mutt a cuddle

then decided she should try on my boots...

i think she likes them!

my view through the window as i was writing my poem

my little grumpy cutie

collecting the last of the raspberries for mum to bake an apple and raspberry crumble

mmmm, thats what my heaven looks like :)

Thursday, 10 November 2011

day 3

and so the third day of work has come to an end. i've been sorting through some photos that were taken mere weeks ago, but they might as well have been taken years ago. i no longer measure time in felted gifts, or cups of tea. now i watch every single second drag past, it's like every clock suddenly has tiny weights attached to the hands, they stutter round and round that clock face, huffing and staggering and i fear that one day they will simply give up, and i will be left in my perpetual haze of early morning shoppers and stock takes.
this is the part where i should apologise for the depressing nature of this post. i should sigh and say things like 'oh well, shouldn't grumble really' and 'don't listen to me, i'm just being dramatic'. 
well i am not going to say things like that. yes, i am being a tad dramatic, but i feel like being dramatic, theres room in a persons life for some drama sometimes. and also, i haven't kept a diary this year, so i've stored up a lot of emotions that need to be put into the written form. this is the first year since i began writing diaries that i haven't written one.
i don't know why. at a guess i would say that life has just got in the way, other things have been deemed more important. but i will not be making the same mistake next year, i think writing things down keeps me sane.
so like i was saying, from nine until five thirty, five days a week i am somebody else. somebody who smiles at parents who are trying desperately to talk their children into releasing not yet purchased items from their sticky clutches, because, if i told them that actually i couldn't care less if the kid wants to smother the entire shop in syrup, i won't get paid.
but as my mother always says, and weirdly it does help;

nothing lasts forever, that includes the good and the bad

that always used to make me sad, but now it makes me smile.

Tuesday, 8 November 2011

my time is no longer my own. start the clock and lets see how long it takes me to cut my bonds

day 1
it's 7.30 and i'm wide awake. i start my new job that i have been asking small baby dinosaurs for since i became unemployed, but now i actually have a job i don't want it. since being out of work i've had a glimpse of life, real life; painting, restoring old furniture, and most importantly, writing. i'm so so so close to finishing my book, days have merged into one, like a big marble cake. i get up, i make coffee, i write. i eat when i'm hungry and not when somebody tells me its lunchtime. i spend days in my workshop, breathing in the smell of paint and inks and general woody smell. i stitch together little christmas mice and only stop when i realise it's gotten dark and i have a slice of homemade apple pie waiting for me in the house. 
in short, my time has been mine to do with how i please. but my overdraft won't stretch any further, and i have rent to pay. 
i've been technically looking for a job ever since i left my last one, but after a few rejections a few more came, and i got used to them, to the point where i found myself applying for jobs i had no intention of wanting, but just because i new i wouldn't get them anyway and i could say to people that i was still looking.
but now i have one. and it starts soon. and all i want is coffee. and it's cold outside and i want to dive under the duvet and pretend it was all a bad dream. and somehow we'll live happily ever after on my ever increasing overdraft.
so, welcome to day 1 of my misery. and it does like company.
wish me luck.

Wednesday, 2 November 2011

all hallows

let me just say that halloween is great. more than great even, i mean, the one night of the year when the veil between this world and what lies beyond is thinner, and if needed can be lifted to reveal what is usually hidden from our mortal sight.
i celebrate all hallows eve with my parents in their house, it has become as traditional as christmas. we carve pumpkins to ward off evil spirits, and feast on our evening meal by candle light, followed by ghost stories around the fire. 
their house is old, over two hundred years, and used to be a pub for miners. but when part of it burnt down it was made into two cottages. there has never been anything sinister within the walls of the house, but i cannot escape the fact that there is something inhuman that remains there. 
my parents have seen there fair share of bizarre occurrences, ranging from clumsy footsteps heard upstairs to full blown apparitions that stand and look through the bedroom windows at night. 
one particular guest (we call them guests as not to offend them and of course they are welcome to stay as long as they wish) that we had for quite some time was a young boy. we called him 'the brown boy' because for the first few times we saw him he would run past so quick he was just a blur of brown clothing. but since then we have seen him walking through the rooms, hiding behind the kitchen table and most frequently, crouching at the top of the stairs, only to run into one of the bedrooms when we catch sight of him. he is mischievous and playful, always running about, making noise.
we hoped that he would make a visit this halloween but strangely the house stayed quite quiet. 
our guards, the pumpkins
me and the boyf
beanie baby got scared so we gave her a pumpkin
all hallows beer
our feast by candle light

but my halloween was not all about mischievous ghosts, on the saturday before i went out with friends and celebrated in a more alcoholic fashion....

what a fantastic way to welcome all who do no longer share our mortal realm!